Saturday, November 17, 2007

It's not my fight...

Sitting here with an empty piece of craft, I stare into it. For once within was a stirring of Canadian Vanilla Maple Decaf Tea, and it quenched my desires. But now, it only holds a spoon and an empty tan ring to which is slowly drying. This is mostly how I've come to feel inside. Empty, with crusted edges. Some say this is the feeling you get from death. I imagine that much is relative. It feels like death has again landed on my shoulders, though it has only been betrayal. And I feel like I'm in denial. Why? I don't want to believe my friends could be nothing more than my enemies. They've used me to boost their ego, because they knew I was only that much of good natured. I only care to see others healed, for them I did. Now, I feel like I can trust no one. I fear that I can trust only myself, and those who I know will never betray me. Will I trust again? Wilst I heat up the kettle full of water, and drop another teabag into that cup, I'm starting to see there is hope. Maybe the craft can once again be filled. It was never empty, it was just in denial. You can probably imagine this as a strange metaphor, of course, for myself. The craft being myself, and the tea being my heart. Hm, if only my heart tasted just as sweet. But I guess that's what you recieve when you rip someone else's guts out, sheer satisfaction, as you would from downing a cup of steaming tea, or even coffee. My fingers are down to frozen bone and muscle, for I fear someone has already cut enough skin from my body to expose that I am just as weak as everyone else. Someone who you thought was strong, turns to fall just as you would. It's troubling, I know, since I was once the fallen man. Can I get back up again? We'll see. Just like we will see how well the tea fills the craft, just as we see the lord's work everyday. Most people miss it. I wonder if this is simply a message. One in which these friends were only a factor, and I was never really filled, but now, with their betrayal, I can finally wake up from my dull universe, and shake off the skeletons that tried to hold me down.

We'll see. Just as the Sun greets us by day, I'll be the Moon fighting shadows at night.