permutations & combinations

i'm about three-thousand miles over-due for a mind tune-up.
three dashes. incredible.
backtothepoint.
i've never been so lovingly confused.
i enjoy my friends, hate my enemies yet love them at the same time.
is someone really your enemy because you talk about them?
or do you talk about them because you love them so much that you're confused about how to feel.

i've always wanted everyone to just want me to be me.
i've got people telling me how mature to be.
how to tell a joke.
'you're not funny'.
i'm funny to myself, but i can't get it through my head that that is enough.

i'm dependent on people's opinions of me.
only because it's the kind of thing i can write about and feel like i've accomplished something after.
i'll always just be that kid living down the street.
awake and walking by night, and asleep and dreaming by day.

i keep seeing myself as someone's role model one day.
i tell myself i can't be that person until i learn to just shut out everyone.
you're good enough for yourself kid...just you know that.

three days and i'm free.
summer-work and the cold/heat of it all has got my head turning circles.
i've seen people die in the worst way...
yet i live for the dying part, because i know something better comes afterward.

if that makes me morbid, then christianity is incredibly gothic to this new generation.
i was raised on real life.
everyone else seems to be living in fairy-tale endings.