Friday, June 13, 2008

is she really a princess?

I've been lost the past few weeks, caught up in useless drama.
A moth to a yellow flame.
Though every once in a while I get to break cycle and see why I love life for what it is.

I've been to song-writers hell a few times, and I know the kind of things that could write hits, which end up in movies twenty years later because they convey emotion like no other drug.
music is my anesthesia. give me more doctor.
like that movie awake, where hayden christensen's character wakes up in the middle of surgery.

except that's what life is. someone sawing down into your ribs, cracking them open so they can reveal what's inside and inject it with poison.

music is when you finally wake up and you realize you're still alive.
somehow, it gets me everytime.

i know i can't write for crap, but i try.
you don't get people who try anymore.
it's 'hand it to me, or sock it to them'
i've never seen him in a more gleaming light.

if i ever get the chance to stand on a stage and say
'here is my soul'
it will be my proudest moment

the ten year old version of me is locked in a closet somewhere.
kicking and screaming because i let the things important to me fade at age thirteen.
teenage angst was death and anger for me.
i hated god once.
but god sent me some angel who wrote with the blood inside my heart.
i'm glad they are looking out for me.
because i'm always driving down a dead end.