as cruel as school kids

i suck at school. i just can't see why he doesn't undestand.
i can't make friends, no matter what he says.
i hate you. not because i don't care.
because i can't.


maybe my failures will make a point.

she knows how to believe in futures

and i don't.

i follow the night...

i'm writing a song for you. it's all about my failure, it's all about your success, it's all about the part where i live in a box, and you live in the pent house on park ave.
when will love be through with me? Never I guess. Because, i always find a way to escape, and then I get sucked back in. i can't help the hopes i have. that perfect soul, to complete my shabby one.
i dread the day when dreaming ends. because then, i wouldn't be able to imagine you anymore. my imaginary chokehold. save me from it all.


'here they come'

i'm there for you.

Fading Existence.

i just realized something tonight. i've been so shady lately, i've forgotten your feelings too. i know how you feel, but do i really know what you need?
now i do, it's been blind to me so far, but somehow it escaped the chambers of my mind, and i realized something. all you need is a shield.


'i'm not the bad guy...am i?'

calling you.

ihearyou. and yet i still wonder why i don't listen.
maybe i have some disease.
yes.
that's it.
i have a disease. it's called fantasy. it tells my brain little things i wish would happen but don't. sofuckingunreal.
gunned down by my own armor.
if that's how it is, just shoot me. i can feel the blood rush to your head, as you hang yourself upside down in ways i couldn't hope to do myself, but i want to anyway, just to see if i pass out.
i hate streetlights. they brighten the world when you want the chaotic calm of the dark.
read me like a book. there is more between those secret lines then you can imagine. i'm the most complicated scavenger hunt. just try to find my heart. it's buried just as deep as my courage, and my honesty. this could be true,and it could still be contaminated by filthy lies.

'Please enjoy the music while your party is reached.'

the brain needs oxygen. can't sneak around this maze.

i'm a prisoner to my own personality.

we could be like soap stars...but I want to be the one to murder you

there is a sad story about a motherless daughter. one day she called home, and got the answering machine. her mom came on and made her laugh. the end.

i waited for you.

the death of a hero.

from under the fig tree

its funny i waste my time here, writing about how it scorns me to watch you live without me.
you'll never read it anyways. besides the fact that it's quarter past 2, and I haven't eaten all day, i'd die at the chance to be with you. not going to happen. it's as cruel as being stuck in this tiny house. watching the world around me shrink as i get older, and it's hard not to wonder if your parents had married other people, would they still have had you? Or would your personality be split between two totally different people? Love is a game of chance. You either find the one you are meant for, or the one you just get stuck with.
i keep looking at the clock at midnight, and noticing you're still in yesterday, while i'm in tomorrow, but together it's still today. soon enough i will forget about you, or that's what they will tell me. twenty years from now i will be discussing my silly little dreams with a friend, while you are long gone.

don't let my hope fade. please.

he lies to make me happy

a glass full of tears, but really it's only coke, no rocks tonight.

fifteen to ten

all i can think of is you.

you are the moon.

i looked at the stars tonight, and wondered what you were seeing, I forgot to tell you this in my previous post, but I'm sure you couldn't see me through the sun, even though the moon was a mirror to your soul.

could we have known, never would I, help to nail down...

it's kinda of funny what we do, this back and forth spiral. what kind of game are we playing? let's dance around the subject, until one of us finally spills what we've been thinking the whole time. it's kind of ridiculous, and yet we both enjoy the guessing in this mind twister.
it's like i've wanted to tell you, but you've always been a thousand miles away, even when you were this close, it was behind a glass wall, called the bank.
the pegs that hold us to the display wall are slowly breaking down.

come save me from this misery.

details come in small incriments and large scars

It's funny how even a hundred miles away, you can make me feel happy, even when the persons closer to you can make me want to kill someone. All I have anymore is this little thing, I like to call my therapists. Finally I am going to write something worthwhile, and nothing can get in my way now, not who I thought were my friends, not the people I trusted, not even school. And in the end, it will me in the spotlight, not them, and maybe I will get my own shine for once...a little like you. Thanks.