some nights it gets so bad

tonight my cat is running circles around my face, on the desk, trying to get my attention
she makes cries because i'm too interested in writing my own stories to let her out.
eventually after i'm done writing whatever the hell this will be to make me feel better, i'll let her wander off in the blackness.

the burn on my hand feels like the biggest loneliness i've ever been through.
it gets that way when you haven't seen your biggest influence in three fucking years.
pardon my french, but i happen to talk like that when i realize how long it has been.
sleep through the first year, and suffer the next two.
i miss you so much, that my ears are burning from my own whining.

i wish god would strike me with lightning, so i can be a lesson to others.
don't walk in a thunderstorm, if you're not planning to run when you hear thunder overhead.
i never wanted to run. i wanted to be the center of the stage.
now, i'm seeing my chances are blowing fumes in my face.
how many times am i gonna play the 'when i'm rich' card?
i guess you can think that way when you grow up in a small town.

this city is trying to be like the rest of america,
installing starbucks, and mcdonalds like it's secondhand lions.
chain restaurants make me want to hurt myself, because i can't help but think
who the fuck gets all the money?
and where is it all going?
i wish everyone with a fat savings account would spend their money, that way the economy could run like it used to.

i have no chance at love, i just figured this out tonight.
everyone is too pent up in their own regalness in a race for 'better versus worse', that they can't see caring about each other is not competing over who has the better life story.
my heart is in europe, but my stomach is in my throat.

i'm counting stars wishing to see your pretty face, even if you don't give two-shits about mine.