i choose you...

I know it's a little early to be discussing valentines...but I'm gonna tell you I choose the broken hearts. I'd love it if every day people celebrated the love they have for one another, instead of saving it for one day. I'd love to see people saved. I've love to not see a gun in anyone's face. Things happen. I've changed a lot in three years. And three days after Valentines day will mark my chart ever more. Maybe that's why I brought it up. A lady once said to me, it's better to have lost than to have not won at all. I wasn't sure what she meant. I think I understand a little better. A person can't go through life without losses. Whether it was a loved one, or simply time and time again the hope we, the broken, have to go on. On our journey of life, we lose a lot. It's better to have lost loved ones and hope, to have given up and killed yourself all together. To not win at all.

I used to be a shy girl. I don't know why. Something about meeting people made me hide behind my mother in desperation. In a way...I see her passing now as her pushing my lazy ass out to shake someone's hand. Hello Future, I'm the motherless daughter. Would you like some tea? Give me anything. It's kind of sappy of me to say...but you know just as well as I do it could very well be true.

I'm craving a tea tonight. Some sweet syrup that might remind me of delicious delights which I long missed. I remember being a 9 year old. My siblings and I would play baseball in the grass. We'd play soccer. And when the lawn hadn't been mowed, we'd hide ourselves in it.


i need that unmowed lawn for my emotions.